This is exactly why public speaking is scarier than death and rattlesnakes

I'm getting ready to head down to Round Top, TX, this weekend to speak at a ladies' retreat being held there. I'm really looking forward to it; although, speaking is not nearly as safe or predictable as writing. When you're writing, you can sit there in your pajamas eating cookies and no one cares. But speaking is harder. You have to be flexible going into different churches and events because you never really know what's going to happen. And I worry about things...probably because of that lady who stood across the luggage carousel thingy from me one time at the Nashville airport.

Disclaimer: This is a reenactment.

Have you ever accidentally come out of the restroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe? Well, this was 10X worse. No, 20X worse. She, a very well-dressed woman, had a piece of toilet paper hanging out of the front of her pants all the way down to the floor. It had to be at least 3 feet long, y'all. She was standing there talking to another woman who I'm sure was there to pick her up to take her to the church where she was the guest speaker later that day. She had come all the way down the escalator to baggage claim like that, and no one had told her. My guess is that she walked up on stage a few hours later before she even noticed. You're probably thinking that I could've told her myself. And you're right; that would have been nice. Or, I could have taken a picture with my cell phone and sent it to some friends who thought it was really funny.

Anyway, there are all kinds of unexpected things that can happen when you're traveling and speaking. What if your maps app gets you lost on the way there? What if no one laughs when you mean for them to laugh? WHAT IF THERE'S NO CHICK-FIL-A IN THAT TOWN? No wonder public speaking is the world's #1 fear. Just think of the possibilities:

I have a tremor. No, really. It's bad. I've had it my whole life, just like my dad, brothers, and now my children. It's kind of funny when I'm holding out my hand to get change from the cashier at the grocery store, and for my friends who like to mock me; but it's not so funny when I have to hold a hand-held mic in front of a large crowd of people. Naturally, I'm a huge fan of the headset and/or lapel microphone varieties. 

There's medicine for that, you know. Yes, I do know. But the side-effect, "intense, unusual urges, such as compulsive gambling," listed on the warning label makes me think that may not be the best idea for a ladies' retreat, either.

No Sonic within 20 miles. As part of my preparations this week, I googled Round Top. It has a population of 91, a retreat center for out of town groups, and that's about it. Much to my dismay, none of those 91 people enjoy a daily Sonic Happy Hour beverage. I'm guessing that means that Chick-fil-A is out of the question.

The wardrobe malfunction. Once, I had to share a lapel mic with the lady who sang right before I got up to speak. The plan was that after she finished singing, someone else would use a handheld mic to pray, and we would switch out the lapel mic during that prayer. As we tried to discreetly make the quick switch, the cord got tangled up in my shirt. The prayer ended, and everyone looked up just as we were trying to get that tangly situation worked out. It was very nearly a Janet Jacksonesque moment right there in front of about 200 people, which, now that I think about it, probably would have made this story more interesting.

Throwing up on the royal family. If you missed it, you can read the whole sordid story HERE. But lets just say that when you've been invited by the Queen Mother of Uganda to come lead a women's conference, you should do your very best to not get carsick in the royal caravan. Although, if you're sick enough, the Queen Mother might be kind enough to insist that you ride with her the rest of the way in her fancy car instead of in the back of that little SUV with all the other commoners. Always a silver lining, friends. 

No stand for your notes. But there is a stool on the stage that you can pull up and use for your notes. Never mind that the stool is only 3' tall, and has the diameter of one piece of paper. Also, you have a tremor, and you're using a handheld mic.

People might fall asleep. That's probably because it's a weekend event for teenagers, and they came to the Saturday evening session wearing pajamas and slippers, and carrying blankets. It's not so bad, really, except for the part where that one kid starts snoring.

One of these is not like the others. It's important to ask what people will be wearing, otherwise, you might show up in cute casual wear for a Saturday morning holiday event where everyone else is in semi-formal attire. On the other hand, you might be overdressed, as in the case of pajama-wearing events. Either way, you might as well have toilet paper hanging out your pants to the floor.

So what are your fears about speaking in public?

Why do you do what you do?

That we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine. 
Rom. 1:12

  

I met with my newfound blog mentor a couple of weeks ago, because I'm considering making some significant changes here on BiME. We'd had some prior conversations, and based on those, I thought we'd just talk about logistical things. But, first pitch, that guy went and threw me a curve. He asked me to list the reasons why I blog.

Even though it threw me off guard for a second, I have to admit, it's a great question. It's an important question, and one that I should answer every time I sit down to write. Same goes for every time I prepare to speak to a group, stand up to speak in front of that group, or tackle any writing assignment. For me, the question is missional.

I have lots of reasons why I blog, and I won't bore you with all of them now. But if I had to name one above all the rest, it would be to live out what Paul wrote in Romans 1:11-12. Almost every time someone asks me to come speak at their church, they say something to this effect: "We just really need to be encouraged."  Funny thing is, every time I speak, write a Bible study, article, devotion, or blog, I find myself being encouraged by others. It shouldn't be surprising; that happens by God's design, and for His glory. 

I kept thinking about that, "Why do you blog?" question even after the meeting ended. Encouragement can happen many different ways, and is a purpose of every kind of spiritual gift. So what does that look like for me, specifically through this blog? There are three things that people have said to me that are helping to shape my understanding of what that mutual encouragement should look like here on BiME.

 

"You're kind of controversial." Someone said this to me about the blog not too long ago. Now I've taken the statement out of its context; it was in the middle of what I'm pretty sure was a compliment. But that one statement stood out, and I have reflected on it a lot ever since. Ultimately, encouragement is useless unless it points people to Jesus. And it should never just point them to Him as one option of many. True encouragement is found when authentic examination of the Scriptures challenges us to love Him more deeply and follow Him more closely. So that's the point of every Monday post - not to be controversial for controversy's sake, but to explore God's Word in order to learn together and be mutually encouraged, without dancing around the truth or watering it down in any way.

"Laughter gives life." This was a text from my friend when I was whining about how often more people read List Wednesday than any other post of the week (although that has not been true recently:). I told her I didn't think I agreed with her statement, but would have to think on it. And I have. There are a lot of verses about laughter, but maybe Eccl. 3 is the most revealing when it says that there is a time for it. Here's what it comes down to - God created laughter. In its purest form, laughter is worship. So that's the point of List Wednesday - to laugh. My friend was right; life is hard, and God is good. At the right time, laughter can encourage us to rest in knowing that the latter truth overshadows the former.

"We'd like for you to write for Parenting Teens Magazine." These have become my favorite writing assignments, hands down. That's probably because I am a parent, and I have teenagers. But more than that, parenting is easily one of the most important and difficult things in life. We say that it takes a village, but fewer and fewer of us feel like we have that kind of support system. So that's going to be the point of every Thursday post - not that I am anywhere close to being an expert, but it seems like after you get past potty training, most people clam up and stop asking questions. I think that's goofy. I figure there are enough shared experiences that, if we're candid enough, we should be able to  find some mutual encouragement.

So now I'll ask you the same question that was asked of me: Why do you do what you do? It's a great question, and one you should probably answer every day if you want to live on mission. I love that Paul was certain, in advance, that God would use him to minister to the believers in Rome, and that they would minister to him. May we be, too, because when the body of Christ acts like the body of Christ, that's what happens.

But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception. Heb. 3:13

You don't have to get everything right

Not too long ago, my daughter got her iPod Touch taken up at school. It was Electronic Device Day, so it was perfectly legal for her to have and use it. It was not, however, Post Pictures on Instagram Day. That's where she went wrong. And when you get your electronic device taken up at her middle school, it’ll cost ya’ $15 to get it back. That’s a pretty steep penalty when you make, well, nothing. 

At the dinner table that night, when she was telling us about it, my response went something like this: "Abby, if you're going to break a rule, you should make sure you're good enough at it that it doesn't cost $15." From the look on my son’s face, and his sarcastic reply, “Nice, mom,” I'm guessing this sort of advice will probably never appear in a book called, "Things Good Parents Say to Their Children."

I’d like to say that was an isolated incident. I can’t. Here’s a brief look at some other really awesome things I may or may not have said in my spectacular career as a parent of teenagers, and that also will be left out of the aforementioned book:

*“Are you dumb?” This is a question I asked Brandon, possibly loud enough for a large group of his friends to hear. At the time, he was about to put his car in drive while 3 girls were sitting on the hood. It was the first thing that came to my mind. Funny, since I was responding to what was obviously the first thing that came to his.

*“Abby, please stop singing. I think you may have lost some hearing with all those ear infections you had as an infant, because you could not be more off-key.”  We were in the car. She was listening to music through ear buds. Also, she was 10. Sure, it was harsh, but it makes me feel better to think that her tears that day will prevent her from becoming one of those delusional people who audition for American Idol and are shocked to find out that singing is not their gift. Nope, my kid will never be one who cries, “But my mom always told me I have a beautiful voice!”

*“One point away from beating @ibrandonhopkins in 1-on-1. #waitforit” This was a tweet I posted on Twitter, complete with a mention to my teenage son, who is on his school’s varsity basketball team. What? Doesn’t every high school boy want the world to know that he hoops it up with his mom in the driveway?

It’s hard. We want to be good parents, but we mess up sometimes. And we wonder - will our mess ups mess them up? I read John Eldredge’s, Wild at Heart once, and now I worry what wound I’ve inflicted on my children that they’ll share in the adult small groups they’ll one day attend. I can hear it now: “I can remember the time my mom slammed the car door on my hand. It was just an accident, but to me, it was a metaphor for my life. My mom’s carelessness and neglect is why I am the way I am today.” Fantastic.

It’s true that the way we parent has a profound impact. We need to be diligent in our commitment to reflect Christ as we relate to our children. But it’s also true that it’s not about getting everything right. You’re going to mess up, and that’s okay. No earthly parent has ever been perfect; still, God uses us in spite of our mess ups. In fact, 1 Corinthians 12:9-10 assures us that He actually uses our imperfections to accomplish His purposes: “’My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Paul wasn’t a parent, but he knew weakness. He knew imperfection. Because he acknowledged it, he knew God’s power. God’s grace was enough for imperfect Paul. God’s grace is enough for imperfect you. More awesome still, God’s grace is enough for kids who are raised by imperfect parents. 

There’s no need to worry; God loves your kids even more than you do. Instead, acknowledge your mess ups and strive to parent your teenager the best you can under God’s wisdom and direction. He’ll take care of the rest.

 This is an article Cynthia wrote that appeared in the October 2012 issue of Parenting Teens.

All this, and I didn't even mention the s'mores.

It's so cold, I'm wearing gloves...in the house, y'all. See?

The fingertip is missing because my dog got hungry; or maybe because it's so cold, she got bored. Anyway, we have stained concrete floors in our home, which is awesomtastic in the summer, or when there are 40 teenagers from church over for lunch. It's not so awesome, though, when it's 23 degrees outside. It's hard to keep your feet warm in such circumstances, unless your kids bought you 3 pair of warm, cozy, ultra-plush NapSoft socks from Brookstone for Christmas. At first I was embarrassed when I realized that I had left such a lazy impression on them to warrant such a gift. I mean, they were a little too excited when they gave them to me, and said, "We know how you love to nap, mom." Now that I think about it, it's entirely possible that they walked out of Brookstone laughing at me. But that's okay; they don't know that I laugh, too, when I see the envy on their faces every time I wear them.

You might hate the teeth-chattering cold. On the other hand, you may love it. I'm not here today on List Wednesday to give allegiance to #teamsummer or #teamwinter, or to start a heated debate. I just think there are some reasons we all have to appreciate the bitter cold that we might tend to overlook when we're consumed by the fact that we're freezing our tails off.

Frito Pie. If it's true that Daisy Dean Doolin was the first person to ever put Fritos, chili, and shredded cheddar cheese together in a bowl (and Wikipedia says it, so I'm sure it's legit), then Daisy Dean Doolin should be a household name. Also, we should have a holiday to honor her memory. Seriously, Christopher Columbus and the new world v. Daisy Dean Doolin and the Frito Pie...I think you see my point. That right there is legacy.

If you work from home, you can wear your pajamas all day long. Coincidentally, this also tends to apply to the other 3 seasons of the year, but in those months, people are more apt to stop by or invite you to a last minute lunch; therefore, the risk is somewhat higher.

You don't have to feel guilty about not going outside and exercising. When it's freezing cold outside and you see someone running down the street, you say to yourself, "That jogger is out of her ever-loving mind." When it's balmy and sunny and you see that same jogger, you say to yourself, "I bet her kids didn't buy her nap socks for Christmas," and then you're forced to go put on your tennis shoes.

You don't have to mow the grass. Not that I ever do, because my husband doesn't trust me on the riding mower. Something about straight lines, I don't know. Anyway, the break from mowing seemed like a good thing to mention...you know, for the people who do that sort of thing.

School closings and delays. It's alternately exciting and frustrating on those mornings when you're waiting to hear from the school district. You haven't gotten out of your pajamas to know for sure, but it looks dangerous out there. Plus, the buzz on Facebook is that the roads are too treacherous, because who, besides maybe school officials, doesn't love a snow day? The whole town is under the covers refreshing their mobile devices in hopes that they can all spend the day right there. But then, sometimes those school officials don't even read Facebook or care that they're breaking the hearts of thousands of children. They got out of their pajamas and into their cars and didn't even hit one stupid patch of ice.

Snuggies. This one needs no explanation, obviously.

When it's cold and wet outside, the kids are home more often. They're not off playing sand volleyball or doing who knows what. I love that, especially considering that I have one about to graduate from high school in a few months. More family time = more nap sock wearing and Frito Pie. The only downside is that when the kids are home more, you hear, "Hey, mom, what are we gonna eat?" more times than you would consider appropriate. Also, Spongebob Squarepants is on the TV.

More quality time with the dog. She's really sweet when she's not eating my gloves, Clay's running watch, Abby's pig pillow pet, Brandon's Nike Elites, or the windowsill. And when she's inside the house, little Harriet Tubman isn't digging tunnels under the fence so that she can escape and take all the neighborhood dogs with her. Those sweaters dogs wear in the wintertime are so cute, too. Bonus: Ours thinks hers is a straightjacket and barely moves when she's wearing it.

I'm sure there's more, but I'll leave some for you to express in the comment box below. I'm gonna go take a nap.

Which comes first, the fruit or the root?

 I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me. John 15:5

John 15:1-8.
 
I sometimes mistake the fruit for the root. I find myself focusing more on the results than the reason. And that's backwards. Here's what Jesus taught about fruit- God defines and determines it; people don't.

We like to put a number on things. In any endeavor, we set goals and are told to make them measurable. But, in our spiritual lives, we can't do that. You can't measure your own fruitfulness, or anyone else's, because God defines what is fruit, not us. His thoughts and ways are higher than ours (Isa. 55:8-9). What looks like potential to us is often barrenness to God (Matt. 21:19-20).

What we do doesn't make us great Christians or mediocre ones. Whether or not Louie Giglio ever gets to write, "Led prayer at the Presidential Inauguration" on his resume' doesn't have any bearing on whether or not God is using him to accomplish much for the kingdom. What I do doesn't define my relationship with Christ. Even if I am mute and my fingers paralyzed and unable to move at the keyboard, God sees the same amount of potential in me as He does if I'm living out the Jabez dream. When we remain in Christ, there will definitely be fruit; it just might not look like we expect or want it to.

We want to see the results because we have been conditioned to elevate the fruit over the root. Jesus' words in John 15 remind us the futility in that way of thinking and living. We can't do anything that He would call "fruitful" without Him. So the results of our faithfulness aren't ours to try to determine, measure, or define.

Whether or not you think you're making an impact on the world around you doesn't affect His ability to use you without your knowledge. Whether or not people recognize the fruit of God in your life doesn't make it any less sweet to Him. Whatever you're doing today, remain in Him. And let Him take care of the rest.

Immeasurably more

and to know the Messiah’s love that surpasses knowledge, so you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us— to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Eph. 3:19-21

I like to think of myself as an optimistic person. My glass is half-full, and all that. I'm pretty positive about life in general and I believe that good things are ahead, so I've always liked this passage. And who doesn't? The part about God being able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think is super cool. In churches, we've used that verse as a motivator to get people to do things that seem out of reach. We want to dream big, fund building projects, and have people show up in large numbers for special events. I have to wonder, though, is a positive outlook, impressive attendance, big dreams, and buildings what Paul meant? Was Paul giving the church a great quote to put on a poster they could hang in a Sunday School class to promote high attendance Sunday, or did he mean something else?

We like the idea that God is able to bless us in ways we can't imagine, but we're less excited about the thought of Him using us in ways we haven't already considered for ourselves. We say that we want to know Him more, but, truth be told, many of us think we know Him pretty well already. We invite Him to do good things, big things even, but not necessarily fullness-of-God things.

If the Messiah's love surpasses knowledge, then how can you know it? I don't know, but God is able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or think. When we allow Him to make His love a reality in our lives, then we become filled with all the fullness of God. It's a little scary if you think about it. What does that even look like, to be filled with all the fullness of God, whose love surpasses knowledge and who is able to do far more than we can even imagine?

I love this line from the movie, The Hunger Games: "Hope, it is the only thing more powerful than fear. A little hope is effective, a lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is fine, as long as it is contained." Ephesians 3:19-21 does not describe a spark that is contained by even the most challenging human ideas and vision.

And so we need to ask ourselves, what do we want for 2013? Will we be content with a little hope, our little glass that's half-full, or will we embrace the danger that is in God's overflowing cup? Let's be filled with all the fullness of God this year, for the glory of God, who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think, according to His power that is at work in us.

I feel like there should be more blogs about sleep.

I love blogging so much that sometimes I lie awake at night and think up things to blog about. Wait, no, now that I think about it, it's not the blog that keeps me up at night; it's Clay's snoring. He's very gifted. I mean, anyone can snore, right? But it takes a special kind of ability to snore so loudly that you wake yourself up. Sometimes when he's really in a zone, he can wake everyone in the house. It's kind of hard not to appreciate his abilities, but I'm not gonna lie. There was a night last week when I wished I'd asked Santa for a taser.

Sleep is funny. They say that, while sleeping, the average person swallows 8 spiders per year, right? Scratch that - I just checked the validity of that little factoid on snopes, and it's a big fat lie...which is nice, because had it been true, I might have trouble sleeping tonight even if the gifted snorer has an off-night. But even without swallowing spiders, a lot of crazy stuff happens when we're asleep. If you think about it, there are probably a lot of interesting things that have happened to you, or around you, while you were asleep - blog-worthy anecdotes that would have the masses loling. Think of all the unaccounted hours of your life; anything could have happened during those 8 hours/night. But since we're mostly unconscious when we're asleep, we can't tell those stories. We'll have to settle for these on this list Wednesday:

The snortle. Okay, I made that name up just now. But you know exactly what I'm talking about. The snortle is less predictable than a snore, and more frightening than a snort, since it happens when you're unconscious. It's a cross between a snort and a chortle. But I digress. No matter what you want to call it, it's that involuntary noise that comes without warning and scares the bejeebers out of you. It's way worse than that falling off a cliff thing, mainly because it takes you a few seconds to realize that no heart attack was involved.

Napper's fog. This phenomenon can make what seems natural on a Sunday afternoon become a major life decision. Take a nap, and you risk waking up not knowing who you are, where you've been, or what you've been doing. It's 30 seconds of amnesia. Even after the fog begins to lift and the amnesia clears, you feel angry inside and don't want anyone to talk to you. Or maybe that's just me.

The sleep-walker/talker. As the story goes, one time early in our marriage, I had stolen Clay's pillow in my sleep. He was trying to wrestle it away from me and I said in a rather mean voice, "STOP IT!" He explained, "You have my pillow," to which I viciously replied, "I don't care. Stop it, anyway!" Apparently, there is a lot of anger that is expressed in one's sleep. Or maybe that's just me. But generally, I think that the sleep-walker/talker is the most fun sleeper around, at least for everyone else. We have a gifted one of these in our house as well, and I'm prohibited from sharing his sleep-walker stories here on the blog, so you'll just have to take my word for it. But one of those stories involves a 5-year-old, his toy-box, a fireman's hat turned upside down, and a lot of urine. 

The cover-stealer. A person should be able to turn from one side to the other without carrying all the covers with him in the process. If the covers are touching the floor on your side of the bed and the person next to you is shivering, you need to take a class in turning. Come on, people, this is a valuable life skill. 

The cuddler v. the non-cuddler. I'm just saying, if you put your foot on me, chances are strong to very strong that you're gonna get kicked. In the love of Jesus, of course.

The sleep liar. I can say it because I used to be one. My parents would come in to wake me up in the morning and I would shoot straight up in bed and proclaim, "I'm awake!" I'd even crack a joke or two just for good measure. 30 minutes later, they'd find me sound asleep, and I never had any recollection of the prior "Hey, time to wake-up" experience. So now I have one of these in my own home, and he's really good at it. He pulls off the whole awake-thing pretty convincingly. That's why, now, I send in the dog. 

Morning breath. It's scary enough to wake up with a child's face 6 inches from your own; add morning breath to that scenario, and you've got yourself the possibility of a snortle.

What about you? What's your favorite sleep oddity or story?